Tuesday, February 8, 2011

The Recipe for the Perfect Poem

The Recipe for the Perfect Poem

rests on the bookshelf in the blue room
decorated with birds and brooches waiting
to be admired, waiting to find
warm fingers and a grin, waiting to see
the old why-haven't-I-noticed-this-before look,
the I-feel-like-I'm-musing-through-a-museum
eyes glassing over, before it snickers
at you.  You can't remove items
from the museum.  You can
simply warm the bench.

This is the firt draft, revised a couple of times in my mind. ;)  Feedback/suggestions always welcome.


  1. Very cool how you hyphenate the observation of noticing and the spectator feeling of being in a great museum. I think equating the reception of "the perfect poem" on one who is appreciative would definitely produce a similar effect.

  2. Maybe you could just look again at the flow of the poem, revise a little. I agree with Dustus about the hyphenated bits, sounds like you're telling off! Great!

  3. The details you include are wonderful...blue room. Also, like "You can't remove items from the museum" and snickers is a good word choice.

    The ending is a little flat for me. I'd continue to work on this one.

  4. this was a fun read...i like your descriptors and i like the hyphens...you have a few subtle rhymes in there...play it up and make it flow a bit more...

  5. i like a lot the sort of tongue-in-cheek humor here; that last line a warning to all poets! :) like some of the others here, i'm also a fan of the hyphenations, and i do think the rhythm changes from beginning to end (which may or may not have been your intention). impressive for a first draft.

  6. love the use of description, sublte hints of form, yet changing its shape... modified.

    well done.

  7. I'm liking this A LOT! Good luck with it, but I wouldn't tamper too much.

  8. Thank you so much for your feedback! I really appreciate your insight. I will be revising this weekend. :)

    Wishing everyone a fun Friday and a relaxing weekend! Andrea

  9. Ahh!!! Simply warm the bench.. so beautiful write.. I enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing...

    ॐ नमः शिवाय
    Om Namah Shivaya